YOU'RE A DOODY HEAD

It usually doesn’t start with an insult. It starts with a feeling.

Someone reads a comment, hears an opinion, or stumbles into a conversation they weren’t prepared for, and something tightens. Maybe it’s irritation. Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s the unsettling sense that a long-held belief has just been nudged out of place. The body reacts before the brain catches up, and suddenly the urge isn’t to understand—it’s to end the interaction as quickly as possible.

So out it comes: “You’re a doody head.”

Not literally, of course. Sometimes it’s sharper. Sometimes it’s trendier. Sometimes it wears the costume of wit or moral superiority. But functionally, it’s the same thing kids say on a playground when they don’t have language yet. It’s a full stop disguised as a statement. Conversation over.

What’s interesting is that name-calling often masquerades as confidence. It feels decisive. Clean. Final. There’s a rush that comes with landing an insult, like you’ve planted your flag and walked away victorious. But that sense of winning is brief, because nothing has actually been said. No idea has been clarified. No belief has been strengthened. The only thing that’s been accomplished is relief—from the discomfort of having to think any further.

Most people don’t resort to insults because they’re cruel. They do it because they’re overwhelmed. A reaction shows up fully formed, demanding expression, but the speaker hasn’t paused long enough to ask where it came from. Instead of wondering why a topic hit so close to home, they externalize the feeling. The emotion needs somewhere to go, and it lands on the nearest person in the form of a label.

The problem is that name-calling doesn’t just shut down the other person. It shuts down the speaker too. Once an insult enters the room, curiosity leaves. Listening becomes impossible. Nuance becomes suspicious. The conversation collapses into teams, and everyone retreats to their corners convinced they’ve defended something important, even if they can’t quite name what that thing is.

Thoughtful people aren’t people who never get emotional. They’re people who notice when emotion arrives and decide not to let it drive alone. They still feel anger. They still feel hurt. They still feel defensive when a topic brushes up against identity, history, or deeply personal experience. The difference is that they slow down long enough to ask themselves what’s actually happening inside them before speaking outward.

That pause matters. In it lives the ability to say, “I don’t agree, and I’m still figuring out why,” or “This makes me uncomfortable, and I need to sit with that,” or even, “I’m not ready for this conversation yet.” None of those responses are flashy. None of them feel as immediately satisfying as a well-timed insult. But they keep the door open—for understanding, for growth, for the possibility that something meaningful might happen next.

When we skip that pause, we trade reflection for reaction. We choose playground logic over adult conversation. And over time, that habit trains us to avoid complexity altogether. Why wrestle with a complicated feeling when you can just dismiss the person in front of you and move on?

But some conversations are supposed to be uncomfortable. Some disagreements don’t resolve neatly. Some ideas take time to process, especially when they challenge stories we’ve told ourselves for years. Name-calling short-circuits that process. It ensures nothing changes—not our minds, not our understanding, not even our certainty. It just ends things loudly.

There’s a quiet confidence in being able to sit with your own reactions without flinging them at someone else. It doesn’t mean agreeing. It doesn’t mean staying in every conversation. It simply means knowing yourself well enough to speak from intention instead of impulse.

So the next time the urge to insult bubbles up, it might be worth asking what you’re actually trying to protect. A value? A memory? A sense of belonging? An unexamined fear?

If you can name that instead, you won’t need to reach for “doody head”—or any of its grown-up equivalents.

And honestly, the conversation deserves better than that.